The Witch Doctor
by SixPenn
Summary: When Danny, Sam, and Tucker get an idea for Vlad, will it leave them running for the hills? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom, or any of the characters included in this fanfiction, whom all belong to Butch Hartman, I do not own 'Witch Doctor', which was created by David Seville.**

Danny, Sam, and Tucker. The three devilish teens were snickering quietly as the blue-eyed boy in the middle slipped on a black cloak. His raven hair was then covered by a large square mask with African markings along the eye holes and mouth. Sam was adding feathers to the mask, but ended up doubling over from her silent laughter, so Tucker took over and finished up with giving out the Fenton Earphones.

"Oh, man, I can't wait to see the look on Vlad's face when we get him with this one!" Danny snickered under the mask. "Yeah, he'll probably try to kill us afterward, but it'll be worth it!" Tucker laughed heartily until the two others shushed him. "Okay, guys, remember the plan?" Danny asked beneath the mask, his voice muffled by the wood. "Of course." "Duh." Came the bored replies, and so Tucker launched into explanation just to prove he knew.

"First Danny and I go over to Vlad's and knock on his door, explaining our services; Sam should have Mrs. Fenton here by then, and ready; we'll be inside, preforming our little show, and then send 'Uncle Vlad' out to meet his doom!" Tucker laughed warmly, wiping a tear from his eye. Danny adjusted his mask, smirking beneath it. He had to stay focused, he couldn't afford letting a laugh slip with Vlad around- not unless he wanted his butt handed to him!

Vlad sighed as he stroked his cat gently on her neck. "Oh, Maddie, what does Jack have that I don't? Why doesn't that foolish boy understand, why doesn't Maddie understand? Hmm, I really do suppose I should be a bit more, say, fatherly toward Daniel, don't you think? But he does deserve everything that's coming to him- it was his choice in the first place stay with his father." Vlad's eyes angrily became a bright red at every mention of 'Jack' or 'father'. The latter being something Daniel would never call him.

_Knock knock!_ Vlad blinked in surprise at his door- he never got leisurely visits, only for business deals or photo shoots. As he got up to open the large wooden door, he heard something on the other side; scuffling? What on earth was that? He looked through the peep hole to see a person's chest- or that's what it looked like, anyway. He opened the door slowly to see the person's head. Or, rather, mask.

"Alright, how much will it take to get you to leave, sir?" Vlad asked with ennui, pulling out his wallet.

"Oh no, need no pay, sir." Danny roughened his voice so it sounded as if it belonged to someone who had little in the way of literature or english. "'Ello, I am Witch Doctor. I offer you my services, yes? Yes. Now, I help you with love life." He grabbed Vlad by his shoulder and turned him around, shoving him roughly back into his own house and closed the door behind him. Tucker swayed slightly under Danny's weight and elbowed his knee. "Watch it, I can't hold you up if you twist so much!" Tucker hissed.

"Shut it. . .!" Danny snarled back down. The Witch Doctor 'bent over' in a bow to Vlad and came back up with his feathers wiggling. "Alright, now tell to me you love most in world." He said with a hand near the mouth of the mask.

_The person I love most in the world. . ._ Vlad thought with an almost giddy sort of happiness. _Yes, maybe this can work. . . True, I've never really believed witch doctor magic could work before, but it's worth a shot, at least._

"The person I love most in the world would have to be my beloved Maddie Fenton." He said with a pining sigh. "If you could help me, I'd be forever grateful." He clapped his hands together in hopes that this Witch Doctor could somehow help him.

Danny had to pull a cough in order to cover Tucker's snicker and gave him a rough kick in the arm. "Quiet, or we'll be killed!" He snapped. Tucker pinched Danny's leg rather unkindly in response. "Dude, chill, he can't hear us." Once again, Danny pulled another cough. He could see Vlad look at him strangely- or rather, in a lovesick way, which made him gag- and he pulled himself together.

"Yes, we start now, sir. Please, repeat: Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang." He had to have Tucker pinch him again to keep from laughing, himself.

"Isn't that a song?" Vlad snapped back to focus, rubbing his chin, now, in suspicion. "I think I've heard that somewhere before." Danny and Tucker, both, had to cover there mouths to keep from panicking.

"Ah no, sir. Now repeat." Danny hoped his voice wouldn't give them away. Vlad squinted in valid suspicion and opened his mouth to retort. "No, no, repeat! Lady love you, sir, yes, now repeat." Danny waved a cloaked arm in a gesture to get his point across.

"Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang." Vlad repeated in a monotonous tone. _I swear, if this doesn't work, I'll be taking it out on this 'Witch Doctor's hide._ He thought savagely.

The Witch Doctor nodded in content and dragged Vlad out his door. "I now summon your love here." He said, nodding his head vigorously. Vlad raised an eyebrow at this- summoning?

"Eesay, Maysay, Vladsa, Frootloop!" The Witch Doctor said while pressing his hands to his ears to concentrate.

Danny couldn't believe Vlad hadn't caught that. He was almost dumbfounded by the luck they had so far. Almost. He pressed his hands to his ears to cover the Fenton Earphone hiding there, pressing the silent alarm on the phone to send Sam the message to push his mom out from behind the tree they were hiding.

He threw his hands out suddenly, letting smoke bombs do there thing as Sam pushed Mrs. Fenton into the fray.

Vlad looked on in wonder- had it really worked? As he saw the smoke clear, he saw it had indeed worked. Or, whatever trick the Doctor had done, worked.

He walked over to Maddie, who was waving away the smoke from her face with her hand, and took her squarely by the shoulders, saying firmly:

"I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you."

Danny almost fell off Tucker.

"I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you."

Tucker pushed Danny back up, almost falling, himself.

"And then the Witch Doctor, he told me what to do, he said that:"

_No, please, nooo, anything but that._ Danny thought desperately. _Please, don't do it, Vlad!_ But too late. . . Danny had to follow along.

"Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!" He waved his arms wildly as Tucker moved along in tune. "Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!" _I swear, I'm going to kill him._

Vlad smiled as Maddie snapped her head up in wonder and her face suddenly relaxed and her body began to slacken. This was actually going to work! His smile widened into a full blown grin, from ear to ear.

"I told the Witch Doctor you didn't love me true. I told the Witch Doctor you didn't love me nice. And then the Witch Doctor, he gave me this advice, he said that:"

"Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang! Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!" Danny was dying to jump off Tucker and rip Vlad's head right off his body. But, alas, both Tucker and his morals held him back.

Sam couldn't believe her ears- was Danny really singing? And with _Vlad_? She had to laugh, but she ran away, first. Sam dove into the nearest bush and started to laugh so hard she was crying. This was too much.

"Now, you've been keeping love from me just like you were a miser, and I'll admit I wasn't very smart! So I went out and found myself a guy that's so much wiser, and he taught me the way to win your heart!" Vlad was twirling Maddie in a caressing way, making sure she didn't wake as he continued to sing to her.

Danny was certain he would either a) kill Vlad b) barf all over Vlad c) laugh his butt off or d) hope and pray this wasn't really working. But he couldn't do anything, he had to continue to play along for his friends' and his own sake.

"My friend the Witch Doctor, he taught me what to say! My friend the Witch Doctor, he taught me what to do! I know that you'll be mine, when I say this to you, oh baby! Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang! Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang, Ooh Ee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!"

Maddie woke suddenly at hearing the last 'bang' and her eyes seemed rather out of focus. Vlad took this opportunity to lift her chin and was about to give her a quick peck when her hand came flying at him and slapped him directly in the face.

That man had a lot of nerve, thinking he could kiss a married woman like that! Especially when he'd even tried to hypnotize her! Everyone knew that blasted song didn't really work!

"Vlad, if I don't see you running away from me in the next five seconds, I'm going to kill you." Maddie held up a hand.

"Five." Vlad took a step back, a hand on the swollen red cheek that had been smacked without mercy.

"Four." Danny and Tucker lost their balance.

"Three." Sam rolled out of the bush she was hiding in from laughter.

"Two." Vlad never saw the three of them, as he was hightailing it out of there.

"And one." Maddie put her hand down and helped Sam up. "What was that about, you three? Were you _purposely_ trying to get Vlad to kiss me?"

Danny stood, only to fall back down in laughter. "N-no, mom! We just couldn't let an opportunity like this pass up!" Tucker was crying and had taken off his glasses out of pure hilarity.

"Well, I hope you're happy. You're all grounded! Sam, Tucker, as soon as I contact your parents, you're going to be studying _real_ Witch Doctors for so long, your eyes will hurt!"

"Well," Danny whispered to the other two, still laughing, "At least it was worth it."


End file.
